My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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