You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
