but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
