just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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