I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
