Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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