me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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