Just cropdusted the office
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
