Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
