90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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