Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
