next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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