I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
