i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
