Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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