Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
