I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
