She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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