DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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