Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
