what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
