I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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