I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
