I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
