Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
