I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
