True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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