Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
