he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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