Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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