connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
