Little spoons don't ask big questions
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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