As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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