obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
