i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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