I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
