Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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