we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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