im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
