apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm both gender and math confused
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