the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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