I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
