So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
