woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
