Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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