he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize