Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
