My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
