I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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