i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
