Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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