i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
