Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
