I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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