people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
