im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
