a queef is a wish your heart makes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
