the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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