im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
