Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
